Phase 4..

     There was a time in my life where I would accept any person that would bother to spend time with me and toss a little attention my way. I know, it's hard to believe that someone like me would suffer from this affliction but I wasn't always the poised, confident individual you see before you today (lol). I started going to church (Covenant Worship Center 2622 San Pablo Ave Berkeley, Ca) over a year ago but it wasn't until I really let the Word penetrate deep down in my Spirit that I started to be more selective with the folks I allowed into my circle. Let us not confuse anything that I say with conceit or some inflated version of self. I mean only to convey that I as a child of God, I reside in heavenly places and therefore, should be choosy with the company I keep. My flesh used to be jealous of really confident people. I used to write them off as being full of themselves so as to give me an excuse not to deal with them. The real issue, as is often the case, was that the light that shone off of people that liked themselves only illuminated all the dark places within me where my insecurity and flaws tried to hide. I discovered that burying an issue was really like planting it, it grew under the surface until something prompted it to pop back up to the surface. The good thing about God is allowing Him to work in me meant getting healed and set free from things that I used to only run from in the past.
     Of course as I learned to yield to the Spirit, it meant some things within me had to shift and change and be discarded. Sure, it was painful but the up side was that I really started to like myself. Correction: I started to like the Jesus I could see within myself. Turning to the Word for more on this topic we find ourselves looking at Rev 3:19 which says "Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent" (NIV). Often times when we are shown our character flaws, we start feeling down on ourselves with a "woe is me" attitude when here the Word tells us that God rebukes us because He loves us. If He didn't care anything about us, He'd let us continue being the ragtag bunch of hooligans we really are and suffer in Hell for eternity. The next time someone tells you about yourself, celebrate it! Trust me when I say this is a concept I struggle with every day. Being a Taurus, I'm quick to deflect a rebuke and shift the blame back to any other thing or person I can think of. On top of that, I have the nerve to be sensitive of what people think about me. The Lord informed me very politely that if I ever wanted to get anywhere in my ministry, as I claim I do, I would have to get over myself in a hurry. God will use any situation we can manage to put ourselves into to shape us, mold us and conform us into His image. He is determined to get the Glory out of us, even it means taking us around and around the same mountain for the rest of our days. The sooner we get that this life is not about us, the sooner we can achieve the spiritual maturity He wants us to have so that we can start fulfilling our true purpose on this planet, which is bringing others into His kingdom.

     I really think that God gets a kick out of putting me into situations I deem as awkward. I can imagine Him sitting on His throne on High and being tickled pink every time I pray that I want Him to use me. If you've ever prayed that prayer, be warned that you've opened the flood gates for the tests and trials to come. The key is to ace the test the first time around and experience growth. If every time you come up against a test, you being to complain about "why me, Lord? why me?", understand that you're only prolonging your journey into the Promised Land. How should we handle being tested? Habakkuk 3:16-19 gives us that answer:

I heard and my heart pounded, my lips quivered at the sound; decay crept into my bones, and my legs trembled. Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity to come on the nation invading us. ¹⁷ Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. ¹⁹ The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.

If you really notice in the text, this person was really going through some things! They're talking about how decay crept in their bones, the crops had failed, there were no cattle in the stalls, and so on. Two key points stick out to me in these verses: 1) That they were looking for the day of calamity (v.16) and 2) that they choice to "yet rejoice in the Lord" (v.18). How many of us can say that we look forward to the days when everything starts falling apart and we will yet rejoice in the Lord the middle of our poor situations? Certainly, not me as of yet! However, that is what I am working towards. That is the level of spiritual growth and personal maturity God is looking for within each of us.
     At the heart of all of this, I give you part 4 of Operation:Doin Me.. Don't let other people's moods effect yours. If someone else has a bad attitude, it doesn't mean that you have to have one too. Instead of going back and forth like grass blowing the wind,choose to be a tree with roots firmly planted. What exactly do you gain from having a bad attitude, anyways? The way God has been blessing and moving, none of us has anything to be upset about, do we? The bottom line is if you're waiting for life to get easier or for everyone else around you to suddenly be different so you can have peace, it ain't gonna happen. Peace is already yours, it's up to you to make a decision about whether or not you're going to keep it or give it away.

Additional reading: Ps 7:9; Num21:4,5: Jas 1:2,12-14; Ps 31:14-15; Prov 4:23; Ex 25:2; 2 Cor 9:7; Rom 12:11; II Tim 1:6; II Chron 16:9